How to help your child with Aspergers who is withdrawn at school

As the writer of a newsletter for parents of children with
Aspergers and other Autistic Spectrum Conditions I
receive a number of questions from parents who need help
with their children. I was recently asked by the grandparents
of an 8 year old with Aspergers:

"How can I help with the situation of school for a child who is
withdrawn (not disruptive) therefore the teachers
don't seem to have a problem?"

The answer that I gave to them was that a child with
Aspergers who is withdrawn and does not join in with the
rest of the class is just as much of a concern than one who
is 'acting out'. The problem is that schools and teachers
will often ignore this as they associate problems with poor
behavior. So obviously for quieter kids they may be less
concerned. This is not meant as a criticism of many
teachers as they are often so busy just trying to teach the
other students and control the class.

There are several reasons why this may be happening for the
child. One possible reason is that he may be bored and just
'zoned out'. If this is the case his interest and motivation
to engage will need to be captured by the teacher better. So
for example if the child has a particular focus or interest (such
as collecting match boxes) then this area of interest should be
used to help teach the child. An example may be that if he is
doing math then counting and multiplying match boxes could
be used.

Another possible reason for withdrawal is chronic low self esteem
and lack of confidence. Many Aspergers kids know they are
'different' and don't want to stand out from the crowd. They are
often afraid of being laughed at or teased. This is particularly the
case for the child as he gets older. As this happens all of his peers
are growing older and generally developing much faster at social
communication, daily living skills etc. This becomes very obvious to
the child and so can make them feel low and lacking in self esteem.
These are just several possible reasons for the problem. But it is
important to get to the root of the problem whatever it is. So that
you can then begin to help the child to move on.

One approach to take would be to gently encourage him to talk
about what changes he would like to make to the classroom
environment to make it a better place. He may well tell you what
some of the problems are. For example he may find it too noisy,
certain pupils hard to deal with or he may not be understanding
some of the things that the teacher is trying to communicate.
You should also arrange an appointment to see his teacher and
discuss your concerns with them openly and honestly. It may be
that his teacher hasn't even noticed that there is a problem!
Because as I said before it is likely that the teacher is having to
look after another 20, 30 or even 40 other children. It's really
important to keep the channels of communication between home
and school open so that you are both working together and are
seeing the same picture. It is through such partnership working
that a consistent way forward can often be found to help improve
the quality of life for the child.

To summarize the main points of this article I would say that
if you are concerned that your child appears too quiet and
withdrawn to the detriment of his education; you need to
speak up. There may be any number of reasons for this but
if you can get to the bottom of it all with your child, and
successfully involve the school, you should be able to do
something about it.

Copyright © 2007 Dave Angel