Understanding the social challenges for your child with Aspergers

Your child desires more than anything to be “normal.”
I know that “normal” is a relative term and that it means
different things to all of us. But deep down your child with
Aspergers wants to fit in and be part of what everyone else
is doing. It is human nature we all want to be and feel a part
of something. They may not understand exactly what it
means, but they do understand that they are left out of
school or family activities.

However the challenge for you and your child is that they
Are unable to gauge their activities or behaviors in comparison
to others. They are simply doing what their body and mind
requires them to do. This is one of the key problem areas
for the Aspergers child. Most children growing up tend to
instinctively take in what is going on around them and how
people are behaving. They then tend to “model” (or copy)
this behavior and so begin to learn how to act in certain
situations. For the child with Aspergers this does not come
naturally. There will be times when they do not know how to
respond to certain people and/or situations. This will
inevitably lead to anxiety, which may lead to further
inappropriate behavior. This can lead to a very negative
cycle of more and more inappropriate behaviour as the
anxiety increases.

If your child could stop this behavior, they would, because
they want to. More than likely, they will instead become
obsessed with whatever behavior or issue they are “stuck” on.
This is because it is their only defense. That defense provides
them with a manner in which to respond to a situation they
are unable to deal with. It’s basically just a coping mechanism
and we all have this in stressful situations. Some of us get angry
and will argue loudly, others will ignore the problem and others
of us may just walk out. So just like children with Aspergers we
often also don’t always deal with situations effectively. It is just
that the child with Aspergers may act this out in less
socially acceptable ways.

The behavior they display also provides them with an escape
from that which they fear. Your child is not attempting to gain
attention, which is a common theory about inappropriate
behavior; instead they are attempting to escape attention. Their
brain simply doesn’t allow them to understand how the world
works or how they are supposed to fit into the world, given their
perceptions and their abilities. These skills that we tend to
automatically take for granted are just lacking. This includes
a difficulty with the basic understanding of the rules of
society, especially if they are not obvious. Children with
Aspergers will not comprehend body language. He or she is
not able to sit in a room, observe what is happening, and
understand social cues, implied directions, or how to read
between the lines, and this will not change over time.

The unspoken rules of society guide most of our actions
and interactions, and will not be understood by your child
naturally. Providing him or her with practice or resources on
how to deal with these situations will be of huge benefit. There
are many books, software programs and good educational
resources in this area. If you are not already using them
I would urge you to do so. You can find a wealth of
information about these resources on the internet, through
your local education board or through the many Aspergers
and Autism support groups out there.

So to summarise this article children with Aspergers just do
not have the natural ability to understand how human beings
interact with one another (especially with the subtleties of
body language, expressions, double meaning of words etc.).
But it is possible with the right resources to begin to teach your
child how to cope with these challenges and become better in
social situations.

Copyright © 2007 Dave Angel